To Clergy and Laity of the Diocese of El Camino Real
In our last Update, we gave you an outline of events planned for the fall. We are now ready to give you more information about our first fall Conference.
September 11: “Forgiving the Past, Living into the Future”
Who is invited? All laity and clergy of the Diocese are invited.
What is the theme? Forgiveness and reconciliation are basic tools for Christian living.
Where is the Conference? All Saints’ Episcopal Church, Carmel.
When is the date? Saturday, September 11, 10 a.m. 3:30 p.m.
Why are we doing this? The Standing Committee has received many requests to set aside time for healing and reconciliation. In response to these requests from laity and clergy, the Conference Planning Team has set September 11 as the day to enter into a discussion of the practice of forgiveness. Dr. William Countryman, Professor of New Testament at CDSP and well-known writer, preacher and teacher, will be the preacher at the Conference Eucharist. The day’s work will be based on the work of Dr. Fred Luskin; Dr. Luskin is Director and Co-Founder of The Stanford University Forgiveness Project (see footnote 1).
How do I sign up? The Design Team (see footnote 2) will contact you next week with all details for signing up. In the meantime, mark your calendars for September 11!
----
footnote 1: an article about the Stanford Forgiveness Project by a member of the September Conference Design Team:
Holding A Grudge is Hazardous to Your Health
by Jerry Witherspoon
On several occasions over the past few years, St. Jude’s Sunday Forum has been blessed by the presence of Dr. Fred Luskin, Director and Cofounder of The Stanford University Forgiveness Project. The title of this article is from the dust cover of his book, Forgive for Good, HarperCollins, 2002. I am writing to the people of El Camino Real to recommend Dr. Luskin’s concepts as part of the healing process that has been recommended by the Strategic Planning Commission and mentioned often at Convention and in “The Mission Bell.”
My personal witness to the efficacy of Dr. Luskin’s concepts is that I started using them the same day he introduced them to our parish, and they WORK! The practice of forgiving works first and foremost to the benefit of the one doing the forgiving. In its simplest practice, the next time someone does something stupid in traffic and nearly causes you to have an accident, instead of screaming an expletive, say out loud, “I forgive you.” It is very difficult to maintain the anger in the face of the act of forgiving.
Luskin defines forgiveness as “… the experience of peace and understanding that can be felt in the present moment”. He goes on to say, “You forgive by challenging the rigid rules you have for other people’s behavior and by focusing your attention on the good things in your life as opposed to the bad. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or denying that painful things occurred. Forgiveness is the powerful assertion that bad things will not ruin your today even though they may have spoiled your past”.
“Three core components underlie the creation of any long-standing hurt and grievance:
* The exaggerated taking of personal offense.
* The blaming of the offender for how you feel.
* The creation of a grievance story.”
“WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
* Forgiveness is the peace you learn to feel when you [let go of unresolved grievances].
* Forgiveness is for you and not the offender.
* Forgiveness is taking back your power.
* Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel.
* Forgiveness is about your healing and not about the people who hurt you.
* Forgiveness is a trainable skill just like learning to throw a baseball.
* Forgiveness helps you get control over your feelings.
* Forgiveness can improve your mental and physical health.
* Forgiveness is becoming a hero instead of a victim.
* Forgiveness is a choice.
* Everyone can learn to forgive.
WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT
* Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness.
* Forgiveness is not forgetting that something painful happened.
* Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior.
* Forgiveness does not have to be an otherworldly or religious experience.
* Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt.
* Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender.
* Forgiveness does not mean you give up having feelings.”
When someone has hurt you, and you do not forgive them, the hurt and the grievance grow and fester and you spend an inordinate amount of time and emotional energy on keeping the hurt and grievance alive. After listening to Dr. Luskin, I have decided that anyone who hurts me will not be allowed to rob me of my well-being by filling up my time and sapping my energy with the effort it takes to carry a grudge. I urge each of you consider the benefits of forgiveness, so that we can get on with carrying out Jesus’ command to love each other as he loves us.
---
footnote 2: The September Design Team is led by Ann Wright of the Standing Committee and includes Bev Bennett (St. Andrew’s, Saratoga), Carl Hansen (All Saints, Carmel), Mary Morrison (St. Luke’s, Los Gatos), Mary Sousa (St. Jude’s, Cupertino), Jerry Witherspoon (St. Jude’s, Cupertino), and Jan Wood (Canon Educator).
